just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
