Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
