Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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