Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
