Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Enjoy the penises
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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