he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
