Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
