Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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