There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
