Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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