he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
