thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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