i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
