Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
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So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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