so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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