Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
