Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
be right there i have to get my cape
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
