Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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