last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company