Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.