So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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