wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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