Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
two words...techno handjob
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize