just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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