I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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