I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
