how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
