I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this beer tastes like vomit already
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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