In the future we'll all be gay
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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