My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize