that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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