last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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