overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
