Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
