I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
