Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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