I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
