I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
