She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So vagazzling was a success
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
