We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
