I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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