Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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