I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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