a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
