considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
