Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
