I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
