Kareoke will never be a sober sport
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
