Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize