I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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