I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am puke
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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