I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I love having hate sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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