it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
