i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
be right there i have to get my cape
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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