I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
