oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
