quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
