I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's just like the Real World with babies
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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