he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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