Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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