dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
