you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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