Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
