Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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