tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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