u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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