i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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