exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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